Wednesday, March 10, 2010

For better, For worse

Being a wedding planner for the last eighteen years I have heard the "traditional wedding vows" thousands of times, I have cried during every ceremony of my clients. After awhile  it gets to be something that you are so familiar with hearing, but what about when the rubber meets the road and you have to live it...

I remember this day, shortly after our engagement...

My world was full of hope and anticipation of great things to come... In a few short months I was going to marry the man I had been friends with for twenty years, this was our fairy tale, my nottinghill 

I can't remember a time that I did not love him over the years

We exchanged our vows on July 26th 2008

 we said those words having no idea what the future would hold
the smiles. the laughter, the tears it was all so precious as I reflect back to that very beautiful day when time stood still

In sickness and in health,  for better or for worse...

yes we said that and I knew in my heart that it was true

As the holidays approached last year I started to not feel well, I chalked it up to stress. What event planner isn't stressed? Things started happening that seemed quite odd. I already had a heart condition that had given me some challenges in the past years, but there was something not right I could feel it. My cardiologist felt the same so he suggested a specialist. I asked to wait till after the New Year I had so much I was commited to already.  February came by rather quickly, and the test results came back. When I came home to share with my husband I was very matter of fact since I am always so put together.  The next few days were a blur as my Dr. said " I'm not sure you will be able to continue in your field of work?" Then told me that she was going to give me the best shot at a quality life. Then the rain came down...

 So here comes the for worse part...

I was terribly awful to my love, my words were harsh, I shut myself off from him. I wanted to just be left alone. I knew my actions were hurting his heart, but I could not stop the train wreck inside of me. My biggest fear was that he would be burdened caring for me and that in itself would take its toll.

He and I share such a strong faith and I knew God had a plan but I was blinded by my anger, frustration and most of all the unknown...

Finally one night I was lying in bed he wrapped his arms around me and held me so tight and said " share your heart with me" The tears exploded and my words were my turning point. " I am so scared this Lupus is going to kick my butt" He cried and said " I am scared too" but his reminder of our faith in God knowing that He is in control left me with such comfort and peace inside.

I prayed for grace over my emotions, that I would continue to live and honor the life God had planned for me.  Now if I could only figure out what would I do with myself?

The weeks seemed endless while the house was empty, I was lost and felt so alone

Last week I jokingly said as he was leaving for work "don't leave me here with the Lupus monster"... He laughed,  kissed me and carried me, yes I still had my fairy tale.

For Better...

He always has said to me "you and me forever" and means it, this morning was very rough hubby had to lift me out of bed and help me dress. There is much physical pain to deal with everyday. I see the worry in his eyes when he has to leave for work.

I know it's so delightful to share all of the decorating, my goodwill finds and so forth, but most of all I felt led to share my heart. I want others to know how blogging has been such a gift of love to me. How each of you affect my life in such a positive way.

I want to thank everyone of you who have emailed, posted comments and mostly for your prayers, encouragement, and support... I am overwhelmed by the love you all have given. Each of us have a cross to bare in this life and it feels much lighter knowing you are there with me.  I am not alone and I am so humbled...

This is for Sue Thank you for the most loving welcome to your  Country Roads family! For giving me a place to belong. You are a precious gift to my heart.

simply me Kate xoxo


Linda K. said...


It makes my heart happy to know there are couples that share what the two of you share. It's like hope and faith. Isn't that what it's all about? I have come by now and then and had no idea of your illness. My prayers and my best to you.

Many blessings,

Linda K. said...

Actually it's hope, faith, and love and the greatest of these is love!

Gretchen said...

Thank you for sharing your heart... I will pray for God's guidance, strength and healing for the Lupus that you're struggling with, and that you remain strong and firm in your faith. God promises that He never gives us more than we can handle, but I'm sure lately you've been doubting that. Rest assured, He'll provide for you what you need, as He already has done so beautifully with an awesome and loving spouse. I will continue to follow and listen to your blog.
Thanks for being real, for sharing and for making yourself vulnerable.
Blessings to you-

Polly said...

Good morning Kate! I am praying for you as you travel through one of life's difficult times. Your husband sounds like a wonderful guy with a ton of love to give! I hope that your pain eases up on you. You have really opened up your heart here on this blog, and we are all here for you to offer love and support, albeit, long distance, but real just the same. Take care my dear sweet friend. You are loved!


Olde Tyme Marketplace said...

Your story was so uplifting. I found myself rooting for you to turn around your thoughts and feelings. Looks like you found a wonderful partner .
Blessings to you both.

Sue said...

Okay, "you got me", and you got me good as tears stream down my face right now. You write so very well, and I "felt" each and every word. I'm not sure I know how to say this correctly, but I have ALWAYS said that Country Roads is so much more to me than just a store. I believe in God, and I also believe that everything happens for a reason even if I don't always understand what the reason "IS" at the time, but I just go with it!! You were MEANT to be part of our Country Roads family. And FYI, any, and I do mean, ANY of our staff would be more than willing to help you carry your stuff into the store, hang it up, etc. So promise me you will never forget that, okay?
Take care, Sue

Anonymous said...

Kate, dear sweet simply Kate, your words are so powerful and real. you are a blessing to me in so many ways and reading this makes my heart swell as I know some of your past, and knowing that you have found such an amazing man to keep and help you makes me smile from ear to ear! If you EVER need anything please ask me, please, I am not that far from you and would willing to help you with your booth as well or help you get dressed and out of bed on a bad mornign if hubby wasn't there! Just give me a ring or text or a shout, I am sure I will hear you! I am going to get my find today and I am so excited, I am sure I will find something else too! thank you, sweet one! love you!

Sheila said...

Oh my sweet Kate... I do not even have words for your brave heartfelt post. I can only say that I am praying for you and your family.


julie said...

Hi Kate, what a beautiful post. You and your husband are so lucky to have each other. And I will pray for your strength in this challenge. You are very brave.
I left something for you on my post today. Please stop by whenever...julie

Annie Louise said...

May you and your husband find comfort in knowing that others are praying for you and your family. I hope you can feel my arms around you both, a big hug, filled with love, comfort and support.

Malisa said...

Sue has been a blessing to me too. Her friendship has gotten me through a tough year. God put her in my life and now look at all the wonderful people he is bringing into your life! Isn't it amazing? Your beautiful relationship with your loving husband is the greatest gift. You and I share that in common too. We both have loving husbands and a blessed friendship with Sue! Thanks for opening up and welcoming more caring people into your life!

Micah said...

Thank you so much for this post. It was so honest and truth filled. What came to my mind while I was reading this was this scripture...
And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; Revelation 12:11
Sharing this today is definitely the word of your not stop sharing! I was changed by reading this and even if nothing feels like it has overcame today by sharing and touching people for the Lord in spite of it all.
Thank You!

June said...

Kate I am so sorry for this burden that you have to carry. I am a firm believer that we are given these to find out who we really are. And you are really beautiful. I know that lupus is a cruel disease ( I have 2 face to face friends with it) and that it is difficult and hard. My prayers will be with you and for you. I know that you will continue to live the best life that you can live, and that your sweet husband will be beside you through it all.

Anne Lorys said...

I knew that an amazing woman like you had to have an absolutely amazing man by her side, and how happy I am to have this confirmed.

You share your heart with every post, but especially so with this one. I think you are just an incredible human being. :-)

Love and prayers,

My Vintage Treasures said...

My heart dropped as I read your post & at the same time uplifted...does that make sense???

...and they lived happily every after!

Thoughts & Prayers

Mari said...

I just found you through Blondie N SC - and your story is so compelling. I will be praying for you dear one. You have a wonderful man, and a wonderful Savior who will see you through it all.
Love and Prayers!

Micah said...

I wanted you to know I referenced this post today on my blog. It so touched me I had to share it. So check it out, and know you are surrounded by people who care:) Thanks again for your honesty! Your blog is always a joy to visit!

chris said...

I'll be praying for you and your family. It's all I can do. So I figured I should just go right to the Boss-man.. why mess around huh?
Kate, really I wish the best for you. Keep hold of what you know to be Truth, and the ones who love you beyond measure. And find Joy in the everyday..and laugh.. oh by Gods grace laugh

Ana said...

Sweet Kate,
I love you dear friend. Please know that I am here for you and that you and your family are in my heart and in my prayers always.


Jacque Ferreira said...

You are Beautiful! I am getting married Saturday to my very best friend and an amazing man, your love has inspired me. Well wishes~Jacque

1 Funky Woman said...

I just found you through "Sassafrass Stuff" and your post brought tears to my eyes. You are so beautiful and your husband is an amazing guy. I can feel the love you two share right through my computer.

I had a friend years ago that had Lupus and I remember what she went through. I've lost touch with her over the years but I always wondered how she was doing. Maybe my meeting you is a weird out of the way connection to her or her disease. I wish you good luck and prayers.

I would love to be a follower!

Melanie said...

Oh Kate. Thank you so much for your kind comments on my blog. You are a tender soul, for sure. I cannot imagine the pain you are going through at this prayers to you, your family and the doctors who are caring for your precious heart!

Blessings to you!

BellaRosa said...

Kate amor, this post was bared your heart and your soul...even in pain and trepidation, your true light shines through...Blogland and the people that we meet here are so amazingly supportive in the goos and bad times, we are all here for each other...when I read your post...I didn't cry...I wanted to because of the unfairness of it all, but I also took away from it...your strength and determination...You are an amazing woman from all your posts that I have read, and I have believe it or not read them all :) I have gotten what a beautiful heart you have amor, you face life head on, you have a wonderfully loving and supportive man to hold you up when you need it and remind you of who you are, when you might forget for a moment yourself. I wanted to email this to you, but I couldn't find your email anywhere on your blog..who knows...maybe I wasn't looking in the right place :) But, I did want you to know that I was thinking of you and praying for nothing but the best for you and your loved ones. My SIL has been diagnosed with Lupus for about 2o years now, she too talks about bad days and wanting to stay in bed because it hurts so bad, but she also has plenty of good days, so I want you to have that hope...because you that is the one thing that I have noticed thoughout your posts, your outgoing hopeful personality, please email me anytime if you have any questions and know that you are never alone without friends that care for you. Huge hugs and besos to you sweet friend :) Rose

BellaRosa said...

My stars amor, sorry...I didn't realize I was writing so much :) Besos, Rose

cindy said...

Ah have a gift in your husband. My heart breaks for your struggles and suffering, but it's obvious God has given you a perfect companion to travel the difficult road along side you. I'm another who can truly say if it weren't for my husband, I wouldn't be alive. He has suffered along with me in my emotional pain for so many years...I don't deserve him.

I am praying for you each day...

Debra@CommonGround said...

Dear Sweet Beautiful Kate, I just read this post this evening, and my heart aches for you. I am probably one in a great many that can say to you in all honesty. "I know how you feel". But I will tell you this, many days when I'm in pain or down emotionally I give it over to our Heavenly Father. He knows and loves us, and everyday I thank Him that He is with me. I say to Him, "Thank you for giving me this day. Let me live it wisely and be a blessing to someone else, and thank you that I'm getting better everyday."Staying positive is half the battle dear Kate. I am here for you, if you ever want to email or talk just let me know. I'm a phone call away. You are in my prayers,
love you,

Donna at the Scarlet Petticoat said...

dear kate,
i just discovered your blog through white wednesday. you touched my heart. i am sitting here with tears in my eyes...not everyone can share their feelings so beautifully...not everyone can reach through the cold computer monitor and capture the hearts of others.
i am fairly new to blogging and have been thrilled to find other women that share my passion about family and fun.
i have a bi-polar 'condition?!' and somedays it is hard to go out or even talk to people, especially to really 'connect'. it takes a great amount of determination and faith to keep going. my children are a great motivator!
when i read your blog i felt i had looked into the heart of someone very special. keep writing, you are inspiring and don't forget it!
i went on a little there but, reading your words brought something out in me!!!
i became a follower today and will keep my eye on you!!
all the best,

A Southern Rose said...

I recently started reading your blog because I loved how you decorated and all of your posts are full of inspiration. Then I came to this post and it really touched my heart. I could 'feel' every word you typed as I have a condition that I have lived with for over 15 year too. It's a struggle every day. I also got married last year July 22 to a wonderful caring man who helps me daily. I just wanted to let you know that you are a beautiful person and so inspirational to us all. I love your blog and I will be reading it daily now. I will be praying for you.

God Bless You,
Lee Laurie

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